1. Revenge f**k!
This is purely out of spite. You got caught and he took the opportunity to stick it to you by sticking into another woman. It ain’t mature and gets messy as Hell. Which is worse, the first offense or the last?
2. You haven’t seen each other in 6 months
Absence could make the heart grow fonder but also the pee-pee wander. You can almost track your connection slipping away across the map on your iPhone’s GPS. Soon, each day you feel yourself growing apart from one another and then an opportunity arises, an oasis in the desert of uncertainty and isolation. So, he takes a drink. Don’t let anyone fool ya, the LDR ain’t for the weak willed.
3. He thinks he found something better
In my guestimation, this is about the scariest one on this list. The relationship can be going great. You’ve never even had a real fight! Then, WHAM! Sparks are flying. Unfortunately, they’re flying with another woman who came from out of nowhere. He makes a choice, he’s “gotta know.” This one’s the heartbreaker, kids.
4. The “what if” girl
You’ve probably met her! You’ve at least heard fifty thousand stories about their high school adventures or their elementary school daze. She was his first crush. Maybe she was his “one that got away.” The best girl friend, perhaps? But she’s never been interested or they’ve never been single at the same time. Turned out, all it took was her being single and interested at any time.
5. Commitment phobia
Only one woman to have sex with? For, like, ever? Or, like, the foreseeable future? Or, like, the past week? We’ve all crossed paths with people who just aren’t built for monogamy.
6. Boredom
Believe it or not, according to a few studies, and some field work on my part, this is the most common answer men give for why they cheat. The word even sounds dull and empty when you say it. Try it. “Boredom.” He’s tired of steak for every meal. So, he goes out for a burger, just for a change of pace. Fast food f*cking as it were.
7. Sexaholic
There is a legit diagnosis for sex addiction. Nymphomaniacs walk among us. There are people who literally cannot function unless the first thing they do in the morning is go on Adult Friend Finder (or eduhookups) and make a date with a stranger for later that night. These people have to have sex. It’s a disease… (Tissue? Anyone?)
8. For the thrill
At first glance, you might think this falls under number 6 on the list. You’d be off by just a hair. Some guys cheat because they are turned on at the thought of getting caught. He has to basically make up two different lives with two different people (or however many as he’s sampling from). The fact you might catch him is the adrenaline rush he’s looking for. Cheating’s taboo. People get off on taboos.
That’s why they’re taboos.
9. He’s feeling neglected and unfulfilled from your relationship
“Infidelity’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.” To which came the famous reply, “Yeah? Well now that symptom is f*cking my wife.” Rob Reiner did make great movies once…I digress. Sometimes the greatest distance between two people is the six inch chasm between his side and her side of the bed. Something’s wrong and neither of you are talking about it. A lot of times this is the result of the problem being bottled up until you both feel suffocated. So, he looks for an oxygen mask to fall from the ceiling, and her name is Jenny. And her breasts are bigger than yours.
10. He’s a narcissistic prick who doesn’t care
He’s a dick and that’s all he thinks with. He might not even remember your last name half the time. Yet you are surprised when he treats you exactly the way your mom, sister, best friend, co-worker, therapist, and priest predicted he would. I know what you’re thinking, “how could it happen? He’s a Leo and I’m a Scorpio! It was meant to be!” Unfortunately, you’re not the center of this guy’s universe. His penis is, and every woman is just another planet to orbit around it.
11. He was drunk
I’ve saved what I predict will be the most debated for last. Is this really a reason? Or is this just an excuse? After all, he made a choice. Alcohol only takes away inhibitions, not desires. I put this one out there solely for discussion. He might have been drunk enough to think he was having sex with you. He might have been so wasted he doesn’t remember what he did or why. Is this one a matter of severity? If he’s only tipsy then is it just an excuse but if he’s truly lost all sense of judgment and control then is it a reason?
Here’s the hardest pill to swallow, ladies. All men involved in a relationship, at one point or another, think about or imagine what it would be like to cheat. Some guys even get little crushes on other women. Some of them just let it go at the fantasy. Some of them cross the line, and then you’ve gotta “nail, his, ASS!”
That’s all.
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