There has been so much genius floating around from the mouth of Charlie Sheen, the modern man’s folk hero, that we decided “Hmm, why isn’t there somewhere we can see all the awesome Charlie Sheen quotes in one place?” Now, we have it. Updated regularly (feel free to add yours in the comments, with the source preferably) this is your Charlie Sheen Quote Repository.
1. You can’t process me with a normal brain. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
2. I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists. - Sheen to TMZ in an open letter
3. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
4. I’m extremely old-fashioned, I’m a nobleman, I’m chivalrous. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
5. These resentments, they are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre. - Sheen to TMZ’s Mike Walters
6. I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.
- Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
7. I’m here to collect. They’re going to lose. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
8. When I step between the lines it’s on, I’m there to show others how it’s done, it’s not really rocket science you know. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
9. She’s not there now and we are and I don’t know, winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning? Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. - Sheen to Alex Jones on The Alex Jones Show
10. I’m here and I’m ready. They’re not. Bring it. - Sheen to Dan Patrick on The Dan Patrick Show
11. Everybody else is going to be begging me for their job back. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
12. I earn two million an episode. I’m underpaid! - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
13. Well, I don’t have much of a reputation left to ruin. - Sheen to Howard Stern on The Howard Stern Show
14. I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available, because if you try it once, you will die and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much? - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
15. AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
16. To quote the great Allen Iverson, practice. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
17. My number one rule is that you don’t put anything on film. - Sheen to Howard Stern on The Howard Stern Show
18. I’m 45 years old, and I’m not interested in people treating me like a 12-year-old. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
19. If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
20. Wow. What does that mean? I’m bi-WINNING! - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
21. I probably took more [drugs] than anyone could survive. I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: GO. [...] I’m different. I have a different brain, I have a different heart… I got tiger blood, man. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
22. No. Not going to, period the end. I blinked and I cured my brain. Can’t is the cancer of happen. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
23. The run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, look like droopy-eyed, armless children. [...] I expose people to magic. I expose them to something they’re never going to see in their otherwise boring lives. And I gave that to them. I may forget about them tomorrow, but they’ll live with that memory for the rest of their lives, and that’s a gift, man. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
24. Don’t remember. Don’t care. Drug test don’t lie. Scoreboard doesn’t lie. - Sheen to Jeff Rossen on NBC’s Today Show
25. You’ve read about the goddesses, come on. They’re an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
26. Maybe the three of us will get married. I don’t know. I’m gonna say this. It’s a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It’s like an organic union of the hearts. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
27. We have a few rules here. Nobody panics. There’s no judgment. You park your judgment at the door. Nobody dies. And — enjoy every moment. What did I miss? Drink chocolate milk. We just have fun. There’s a ton of laughter in this house. A ton of love in this house. There’s a ton of nobility in this house. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
28. Stay off the crack. Drink a chocolate milk. - Sheen in a motivational speech to the UCLA baseball team
29. They’ll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin’-ness! - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
30. Women are not meant to be hit. They’re to be hugged and caressed. - Sheen to Piers Morgan on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight
31. It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard. - Sheen to Piers Morgan on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight
32. I used to [take cocaine]. I’ve gotta be careful because that’s like lawsuits and things that went on. Well, yeah. I’m not taking it. I had to pay for it. Well, um, I hadn’t done any for a while, like seven hours, but I had this hernia thing that was popping out. - Sheen to Piers Morgan on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight
33. I won’t take [pain pills], so I maybe hit the vodka a little too hard to reduce the pain. - Sheen to Piers Morgan on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight
34. And then it was like, you must let me impose my will on your face. And it was like, woah dude! - Sheen to Piers Morgan on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight
35. That was an old brain, I have a new brain. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That’s how I describe myself. - Sheen to Piers Morgan on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight
36. I don’t know. I was on crack. Where’s Dr. Drew when you need him? - Sheen to Piers Morgan on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight
37. Come Wednesday morning, they’re gonna name it “Charlie Brothers,” not Warner Brothers, DUH. - Sheen to Andrea Canning on ABC’s 20/20
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