Santa with Sunglasses Successfully Robs a Bank
A man in a Santa suit robbed a bank successfully. He was wearing the beard, hat and suit, even the boots, according to witnesses.
Witnesses say the entire time, he seemed clumsy and jovial. The best part? This guy stayed in character the whole time. He told everybody he was doing this because he needed to pay off the elves. How fun.
The only serious thing about this was the part when he said if there were dye bombs in the money, he would come back and kill everyone.
Load the YouTube video for the full story, or read it below
Santa Child Molester Stalks On The Internet
So here's what happened: The creep went on Yahoo Instant Messenger, found a profile that said it was a 13-year old girl, solicited her for sex, arranged a meeting time and place, went to said place, and got arrested because it turns out the profile was a cop in disguise. Just like in Dateline NBC's "To Catch A Predator"!
Here's the creepiest kicker: he was a shopping mall Santa for many years. Imagine, just imagine the number of children that sat on his lap over the years as he secretly wanted something he'd later actually act on.
Santa's lap will never feel safe again.
Santa Attacks 74-Year-Old Woman with a 2x4
At least that was the excuse the perpetrating Santa came up with for physically attacking a 74-year old woman with a 2x4 wooden board at a mall. He was so enraged at this woman when she allegedly stole $145 worth of Hershey's kisses from him that he knocked the poor woman unconscious with one blow to the head (using, once again, a freakin 2x4.)
When another woman came to her aide, he quickly threatened her too.
He quickly fled when he figured out mall security was going to get him, that he wasn't the actual Santa Claus and that he wasn't above the law or something. He tried to get rid of his Santa costume in order to dispose of the evidence. It's too bad for him that he was seen doing so and got caught and arrested on sight.
Man in Santa Suit Flashes Teens His Mistletoe
He did this multiple times before mall security finally had to intervene and then asked him to leave. His response? He dropped his pants again, this time to a couple that was walking in. Aaand that's what got him arrested.
Mall customers were shocked to learn that this guy didn't even work for the mall because, c'mon, who really cares about mall patrons other than people seeking revenge?
The scary part was there seemed to have been no reason for this guy's action or no motive. He just acted on impulse, which will probably get him off with a psychological disorder plea. Either way, this flasher (who is strangely reminiscent of the antagonist in that dark Seth Rogan mall comedy Observe and Report) will definitely not be showing anyone his jingle bells anytime soon (at least not by his choice.)
Children Cry As Santa Gets Arrested
After Santa's sleigh showed up at a parade-like event, one of the Santas got into a fist fight with a local teen and they started going at it. It got so bad that not only did children start to cry all the way up and down the street, but the police needed to be called.
The spectacle was so intense, and the children were so traumatized from seeing what they believed to be the "real" Santa Claus not only get into a fight, but to then be arrested (ostensibly for the remainder of Christmas) that the officers had to take the children aside and explain to them that the Santa they saw was a fake.
"The children were understandably concerned and upset at seeing what they thought was the real Santa being arrested."
"Norfolk Police are certain that the real Santa would not approve of people behaving in this way and of course he will continue his pre-Christmas visits and delivery of gifts everywhere on Christmas Day."
Violently Giving Santa Tries To Abduct Child, Give Candy
So, what did he do one fateful morning at 7:30AM? He followed a 12-year old girl while she was walking to school and told her to come towards him. When she didn't, he ran after her and grabbed her by the arm. Thankfully, she was able to get away... but not before he tried grabbing her again. She wrestled free and ran for it, finding safety in a convenience store.
As for Santa, he hopped onto a public bus as soon as she got away. He was apprehended shortly after because public transportation is probably the worst getaway vehicle you could possibly take. Oh right, and he was also completely unmissable since he was still wearing a full Santa suit (while holding his unicycle and carrying a huge bag with candy in it.)
I would've just taken the unicycle if I were him.
Santa Claus Robs The Bank Again
That in of itself deserves the top spot on this list.
Anyway, so he walks into the bank, shoots a warning shot at the ceiling with his semi-automatic and gets away with the money in his "reindeer pulled sleigh" that is known as a silver, four-door car. Amazingly enough, police are still out looking for Santa because it's apparently one of the best costumes to commit a crime in. It leaves a lot to the imagination, people impose their own vision of Santa on the costume and, most importantly, it hides every single defining feature the body has while still looking non-threatening until a gun is pulled.
Let's hope he is eventually apprehended like the Santa in the picture shown here.
Santa Gets Drunk in Public, Harasses Children
He tried to be all jovial and Santa-like a bit later when he walked up to one of the kids and tried to put his hat on her head, but since he was a drunk middle-aged man, it didn't come across so much "Santa-like" as "creepy," so the watching mom called the cops.
Luckily there was no damage done to Santa's reputation that day in the eyes of the kids. They immediately figured out this Santa was an impostor because according to them, "he smelled like alcohol."
The jury's still out on what exactly the fact that they know what that smells like, and that that means "bad", says about their childhood.
Santa Brings Presents Only To Steal Money
That's exactly what happened as a guy in a Santa suit convinced security he was going to deliver Christmas presents.
Too bad they never checked the bag his elf was carrying, walking in or walking out. As soon as Santa got to the office, they locked up the doors and emptied all of the staff's account money. And then they just walked out of the building, past security, with the money all to themselves, leaving an entire nation shocked. Ocean's 11 style.
Was this the greatest heist of all time? Yes. Yes, it was.
Drunk Santa Caught Urinating in Parking Garage
What does Santa do after a hard day's work at the mall (assuming that is the mall's parking garage and not some other establishment)?
He drinks himself into a cozy stupor, of course!
Literally, he does.
And you can it check it out at 1:48 right after he gets knocked over by surprised strangers stepping out of the elevator.
The other golden moments come at 0:18 when he pees on the garage wall and at 0:39. That one you just have to see for yourself.
Santa Kicks Cop In The Shins
This drunken Santa turned belligerent when he entered a Chicago store wearing the trademark hat and fake fur coat, yelling at customers and store employees alike.
He was politely shown the door and in response to that politeness, probably sick of all the niceness Santa has to deal with, he shoved an employee to the ground and took off running down the street.
He was apprehended moments later by the police - Santa doesn't exactly blend into the crowds - after what must have been a really entertaining street chase. And once he was handcuffed, he spit and kicked at an officer in the shins, which really isn't too bad except for the fact that the guy is a civilian and the guy he's up against is freaking cop.
It's unknown what he was trying to shop for.
Santa Accidentally Kidnaps 8-year Old Girl
So awesome it attracted the attention of a girl when Santa pulled over at a gas station. Asking her if she wanted to see the Rudolph, Santa then hoisted the girl up, put her in the sidecar, and drove off with, all of this happening with her parents watching.
When the father caught up with Santa after speeding like hell to get to her, Santa prompt apologized and turned the girl over. His excuse was that he was caught up in Santa mode and that the Santa in him had taken over for a moment. The family forgave him.
Eco-Activist Santa Arrested For Delivering Coal to Coal Execs
Santa arrived at the office of the CEO for the Tennessee Valley Authority, North America's largest purchaser of coal, and crashed a board meeting, telling each of the board members present that they were getting a lump of coal not because they needed it, but because they were bad children.
Why? Apparently Santa was receiving letters from children who tearfully explained that the coal companies were ruining the forests they played in, along with making the air unbreathable.
There is something heroic about a childhood icon taking a stand for environmental rights, but unfortunately, his actions got him arrested immediately when he spoke at the meeting.
The saddest part is that the only crime he really committed was not bringing a camera crew with him. Had he had that resource, he'd be winning awards instead of trying to scrape together bail money.
No comments:
Post a Comment