Dating : How To Pick Up a Girl at an Upscale Cocktail Bar

Let's be honest: One of the prime reasons guys venture out of your caves and into those wood-paneled, beer-soaked caves called dive bars is to get laid. If you could stick a bed in between the Buck Hunter and the taps, you would. And you'd use pretty much any trick in the book to get a girl into it.

But what happens when tonight's destination is an upscale cocktail bar — will the same old pick-up strategies work at a spot where the Natty Light doesn't flow so freely?

To get the answer, Dushan Zaric, a mixologist and part owner of New York City's Employees Only, which just won World's Best Cocktail Bar and World's Best Drink Selections at Tales of the Cocktail, a liquor industry convention that honors its best and brightest. Zaric has seen his fair share of good, bad, and embarrassing bar-room mating, and tells BroBible that all the fancy swilling at Employees Only doesn't necessarily mean that the men who frequent it know what they're doing. In fact, Zaric, who's worked everywhere from dive bars to high-end establishments, doesn’t think guys are any more successful at his bar than they are when pounding Jaeger shots at their neighborhood haunt. Put bluntly: "Men need a lot of help."

In the vain of his first book, "You Didn't Hear It From Us: Two Bartenders Serve Women The Truth About Men, Making An Impression and Getting What You Want," we asked Zaric to advise men on cocktail bar pick-up etiquette. And since much of his advice probably applies to dive bars as well, you might want to start taking notes.

Women are Women No Matter Where They Are
"People tend to be a lot more relaxed in dive bars," Zaric admits. "But in New York City single women outnumber single men 3:1, so every woman is interested in meeting a single man who's not gay. So that’s a plus for men." Yet he rarely sees men capitalize on such a naturally occurring phenomenon. And when they do, they usually say the wrong thing. "The women who come to our bar are knowledgeable about their jobs and careers." In other words, steer clear of the usual pick-up lines.

Instead, Focus on the Drinks, Stupid
Hanging at a swanky, dimly lit cocktail bar may run counter to your usual nighttime patterns, but you can use this to your advantage, he says. You have a whole menu of drinks to use as icebreakers. Avoid the "where do you live" and "what do you do for a living" questions. Instead, "Do some research and find a favorite cocktail, order it, and then be aware of what she's ordering and drinking. Find some common ground. If she's in a cocktail bar or nice restaurant, she's there for the products and service." (Or at least for the guys who appreciate the products and service.) To pull this off, you first want to brush up on your general knowledge of alcohol. Go online beforehand and look at the drink menu and find out if there are any unique qualities about the establishment. For example, Employees Only has its own line of vodka, gin, white and red wines, and homemade cordials. They believe in mixing drinks with natural products as to mime what boozy luminaries like F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway may have imbibed during the speakeasy era. This is all-important knowledge to take with you into battle.

Classy Women Tend to Order Champagne First… Or Vodka Sodas When They're Watching Their Weight
It's unwise to judge a person by their cocktail of choice, says Zaric. But in his experience the classiest girls always order something a little "bubbly" in the beginning. A telltale sign a lady is watching her waistline? Vodka soda. "Women have this impression that vodka soda is so much healthier than any other drink, but it isn't true. If you want to lose weight, stop drinking." If you see one of these ordered, use it as an opportunity to show off your newfound knowledge of the cocktail menu. Without commenting on her calorie counting (obviously), try to get her to switch from her usual to one of the bar's signature drinks. "Come on, you can't order a vodka-soda here — why don't you try a…" If the bartender isn’t too busy he’ll not only help out with the conversation and selection but secretly thank you for being the bar’s unofficial salesperson. And if you play your cards correctly, she'll probably want to know more about the guy at the bar who introduced her to the homemade hibiscus cordial.

Listen, Listen, and Listen Some More
At cocktail bars, the background music will be turned down (with singalongs at a minimum), the space won't be as crowded, and your conversation won't consist entirely of back-and-forth shouting. Use that atmosphere to your advantage, even if it means going against your usual habits. "Women are in touch with emotions; men are not conditioned to deal with them," says Zaric. "True as this may be, you'll get along a lot further if you actually listen to her." Zaric says he has witnessed one too many dates that appear more like job interviews with "the man ranting off his resume and the woman wide-eyed and not able to get a word in edgewise." Avoid this. "Actually look her in the eyes. Learn to listen. Every woman likes a listener and it's a guaranteed way to get closer to your end-of-the-night goal."

Watch Her Drinking, and Watch Her
"How does she drink?" Zaric asks. It isn't only men who turn into different people after a few cocktails. Study how her behavior shifts. Does she turn mean? Overly flirtatious? Obnoxious? Trust your instincts. "Nobody wants to go to bed with a crazy person." "Uptown girls" know how to limit their drinking, he says. Also, while you’re talking to her be aware of subtle body language. Is she looking at you more than she’s looking around? Is her body facing you or are you attempting to engage her back in a conversation? Is she playing with her hair, touching her décolleté, genuinely laughing at your jokes? Zaric has watched many a well-intentioned man who is far more concerned with how he's looking than with paying attention to the object of his desire. A little thought goes a long way, fellas.

Finally, Be Transparent
In general, and this should be a cardinal rule whether you’re at the cocktail bar, dive, office, coffee shop, or park: Zaric advises his fellow man to be honest. “More men need to learn how to be as transparent as possible," he says. “It always works well to say what you're going to do. Women want someone they can rely on. Give them expectations that will be fulfilled. Be straightforward. If it's only a physical attraction, don't promise anything else."

An Employees Only Crash Course In Drinks
If you find yourself in the West Village, check out these handy Hers and His cocktail suggestions at Employees Only. And don't ever order Red Bull or Jaeger or "Bombs" of any sort. Ever.

HIS
You’ll want something dark and strong. Check out the Billionaire Cocktail.
2 oz Baker’s Bourbon
1 oz. fresh lemon juice
.5 oz simple syrup
.5 oz Employees Only brand Grenadine
.25 oz Absinth bitters

HERS
“Women always seem to gravitate toward the fruity drinks,” says Zaric. Offer her the Hemingway Daiquiri.
1.5 oz. 10 Cane Rum
.5 oz Luxardo Maraschino Cherry Liquor
1 oz. fresh grapefruit juice
.5 oz. fresh lime juice
.5 oz simple syrup