11 Things Men Should NEVER Say To A Woman

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“You missed a spot.”

Any sort of “get back in the kitchen” comment, really...just, no. It may not sound like it could be taken offensively and that’s part of why I’m writing this column. You’re not aware enough or sensitive enough to possibly perceive how else someone could take a comment. It’s not ALWAYS because you’re a narcissist. Sometimes it’s because you’re not thinking.

 

“You wouldn’t understand it.”

Because her brain’s too small? Because she’s not as smart as you? Because you know more than her? Huh? What won’t she understand? The answer: nothing. And hey, there are some things she may not understand. That doesn’t mean you get to dismiss her. You have to use your brain cells and your jaw muscles and attempt to explain it.

 

“Don’t be a c*nt.”

Just because they took back the word doesn’t mean it’s okay for us to use it. Hell, some women hate it when other women use it. Just eliminate the C word (and dare I say B word?) from your vocabulary. 

 

“Those bangs make your face look wide.”

This one was learned from personal experience. The words “wide,” “large,” or “big” must never be uttered when referring to any physical aspect of any woman. In fact, don’t even try to compliment a woman in any way regarding her size or weight. It just leads you down that primrose path to hell. Call me shallow, call me behind the times, ladies, but let’s see how you’d feel. Sometimes a cliché's a cliché because it’s true.

 

“You’re wrong.”

She may not always be right, but she’s never wrong. Just ask The Doctor. Or Rory.

 

“Never send a woman to do a man’s job.”

WHAT A BIG MAN YOU ARE! Okay, Al Pacino reference aside…really? Really? REALLY? There’s just no room for this kind of misogyny in today’s world. Does it exist? Yes. I don’t know if it will one day be eradicated but it doesn’t have to be propagated. There’s no excuse for this kind of ass-backwards abusive speech. Period. If you mean it as a joke, you better be on really good terms with her.

 

“Things are getting kind of hairy down there, Jungle Jane.”

If she decides to shave, it’s a privilege and must be appreciated as such. She can do whatever she wants “down there” and you’re going to like it. Or else, you won’t be seeing “down there” for a very long time. Don’t evict yourself from your favorite vacation spot.

 

“What is it, your period?”

“[She’ll] knock ya inta tomorrow, Rock.” Ever get punched in the nuts? Do you want to? No? Then don’t say this.

 

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO GIVE HEAD!”

It doesn’t matter if it’s true. Just lie and say you don’t like getting blowjobs. She probably won’t believe you. Deny, DENY, DENY!!!! They say you should always be honest with your partner…we’ve found the exception, folks.

 

“That’s not the way my mother makes it.”

Never, eeeeeeever, compare your girlfriend/spouse/significant other to your mother. Your mother is the woman who all of the others will have to measure up against. And she doesn’t want to be your mother. She probably doesn’t like your mother. It’s a territorial and Oedipal thing. Just leave your mother out of the whole relationship, honestly.

 

“What? It’s just a kitten.”

It’s not. It’s a delivery device for adorableness. Don’t ask how. Just accept it. If it’s you or the kitten, not exactly Sophie’s choice.

 

There are things you shouldn’t say and then there are things you just DON’T, F*CKING, SAY! Men have learned the hard way when they put their foot in their mouths and their heads up their asses — and sometimes both at the same time (it might be listed as a special skill). Some guys just don’t get it, though. They just keep digging. See, we say one thing wrong then we try to cover and say something right, which ends up being something worse. We aren’t all conscious of our misogyny. We aren’t all aware when we let out that inner pig. Here are 11 things that no man should ever say to a woman, in hopes that it may save one young man from a moment he’ll wish for a giant shark to leap out of the wall and gobble him up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating : 10 Simple Ways To Impress A Woman

Sometimes it’s the smallest thing that makes a lasting impression. A single smart comment or a couple of small gestures can really impress a woman, while an offensive remark or a display of carelessness can utterly doom your chances. A woman will decide relatively quickly whether or not you’re date-worthy, and all the little things you do or don’t do will help her make up her mind. With these realities in mind, we’ve put together this list of the top 10 simple ways to impress a woman. Nothing complicated here. Nothing time-consuming or exceptionally difficult. But this list of habits, comments and behaviors could make the difference between getting her number and getting a dirty
look.

No.10 Look her in the eye

It can be tempting to look a beautiful woman up and down, and the more beautiful she is, the harder it is to concentrate on the conversation. Just remember, if she catches you staring at her chest when she’s telling you how much her mom means to her, you’ll look like a creep.

No.9 Be well groomed

Scraggly facial hair styles and even a hint of body odor will kill your chances with women. Women want their men to be well groomed. They want them to look and smell good all the time. That doesn’t mean you necessarily have to be clean-shaven, but any facial hair you do have should be well maintained. Think about it: You judge them based on the way they look. Why wouldn’t they do the same with you?

No.8 Help her with her coat

If you’re trying to come up with simple ways to impress women, you might think about the kinds of things your grandfather used to do. Women love old-school displays of chivalry. Helping her put on her coat is a great example. It’s a kind, courteous act that’s not so common anymore. That’s why it will help you stand out. It’s also a good way to increase her comfort level with you as it allows you to get close to her without getting too close.

No.7 Socialize with her friends

When deciding whether or not to ask a woman out on a date, you probably evaluate her personality and her looks, among other things like her sense of humor and her intelligence. Well, women do those things too, but they also think about our potential as partners. And one of the things that speaks to our potential is our ability to fit into her social network. Women are attracted to likable, social, charming men, the kind of guys their friends and families will love. So, engage in conversation with her friends even as you’re working your magic on her. Impress them and you’ll impress her. Just make sure it’s clear that she’s the one you’re interested in.

No.6 Ignore your phone

Nothing says, “You’re not that important....” like taking a call from someone else or checking a text in the middle of a conversation. That’s why ignoring your phone is one of our top 10 simple ways to impress women. The culture of texting has gotten way out of hand. Too many men think it’s perfectly acceptable to take a phone call or fire off an e-mail while you’re on a date or in the middle of a conversation. Well, we have news for you: It’s uncivil. When you’re talking to a woman, let her see you silence your phone or turn it off completely -- show her she has your undivided attention.

No.5 Ask her questions

When you’re getting to know a woman you should do your best to make her comfortable. That means steering a conversation toward a subject she’s comfortable talking about -- like her. Just about every woman likes to talk about herself. It’s a subject on which she has a lot of expertise, after all. Asking her questions about her past and her favorite things will allow her to open up and feel comfortable, while simultaneously showing her that you’re interested in more than just her looks.

No.4 Open doors

Another entry on our list of the top 10 simple ways to impress women: Open the door for her. Opening the door for a woman is a classic gentlemanly gesture. The otherwise admirable push for gender equality has largely eliminated acts of chivalry like this one. Do your part to bring chivalry back by opening the door for her.

No.3 Compliment the way she looks

So here’s the thing: you want to give her a compliment, but you want it to seem sincere. Thus, you need something a little more original than, “You have incredible eyes.” Give this a shot: Compliment the way she looks in her outfit. Say something like, “You look great in that dress.” It’s a great way of telling her she looks hot without rerunning the same old compliment and it also communicates that you’re attracted to her in a way that, “Cool jacket!” does not.

No.2 Ask for advice

Whether you’re apartment-hunting or trying to set your buddy up on a blind date, women are impressed when you ask them for advice. It shows her that you value other people’s opinions -- in particular, her opinion. Be careful not to come off as clueless here, though; you don’t want to act like you know nothing. You also don’t want to put her on the spot or make her feel uncomfortable. When asking for advice, get her perspective on a limited set of options. For example, does she think you should move into a townhouse or a loft? This kind of question allows her to easily express an opinion, and hopefully sparks a more extensive conversation.

No.1 Compliment her positivity

Telling a woman she gives off a “happy” vibe will make her feel good. That’s the vibe most people want to give off all the time. It also allows you to then ask her about the things in her life that make her so happy, which will make her feel even better, positive feelings that she’ll ultimately associate with talking to you. This kind of a comment centering on positivity is another one of our top 10 simple ways to impress women.

How To Date Any Woman

MAYBE SHE'S THE BARTENDER WITH THE 10,000-WATT SMILE telling dirty jokes to the regulars. Or the platinum-haired singer picking out "Paint It Black" on her guitar.

She's the girl you figure every guy wants—so you wonder if you even have a shot. Thankfully, new research gives us all encouragement. To start with, no matter what you think your "type" of woman is—athletic, outgoing, brainy—it probably won't matter when you meet someone. What is the key? Novelty, says anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. "It drives up dopamine production in the brain, causing pleasure, excitement, and optimism." One study confirms that boredom predicts lower satisfaction in a marriage.

Even at the start, predictability won't work. So to help you stand out, we consulted top experts and tracked down 11 of the most sought-after kinds of bachelorettes—including two Hollywood stars—to find fresh, original approaches you can use to win over any woman.

The Athlete

Why Her: For starters: spandex, side-by-side workouts, and shared showers. Oh yeah, and better sex. A recent Turkish study found that elite female athletes have better clitoral bloodflow and sexual function than sedentary women do. And you might lose your own gut in the process: Research in the journal Obesity found that befriending people who are fit may help stave off weight gain.

Beware: If you're lapped, you might be dumped. "She's going to work out every day, so she wants to be with somebody who shares her values," says Amy Baltzell, Ed.D., a sports psychologist at Boston University and the author of Living in the Sweet Spot. That means she'll push you but won't coddle you. Look elsewhere for an ego stroke, says Steph Davis, a renowned rock climber and the author of High Infatuation: "Countless relationships have fallen apart because the man couldn't deal with a female athlete's unwillingness to be his cheerleader."

Your Move: Appeal to her vanity. "She'll love hearing how attractive you find her muscles," Baltzell says. "It shows that you understand and value what she's doing."

Also Works With: the Trainer, the Coach, the Soldier

The Actress

Why Her: She'll show you a new side—to everything. "Most actresses are natural explorers," says Fisher, the author of Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love. "They're curious, spontaneous, and they're energetic risk takers." And she's probably not opposed to dating a mere mortal. "It's entirely possible that she's looking for a stable, down-home man to counteract the unpredictability in her career," says Fisher.

Beware: Her job takes her places. "Understanding the importance of rescheduling is crucial. Every time I plan a vacation, I wind up booking a job," says Rachel Nichols, star of Conan the Barbarian and author of the Men's Health blog the Movie Star Next Door. "Our lives are nomadic at best, and unpredictable at all times."

Your Move: Hide the fan-club membership. "Don't gush about how much you love her work or how you waited all night to meet her," says Nichols. "If she seems receptive, offer to buy her a drink. If she doesn't, say it was nice meeting her and walk away."

Also Works With: the Model, the Dancer, the Party Planner

The Coworker

Why Her: No nervous introductions needed. Stephanie Losee, coauthor of Office Mate, a book about on-the-job romance, says, "People who date at the office take the risk because they think something's really there." And there's a good chance they're right: A 2011 Career Builder survey found that 40 percent of people have dated a coworker, and 30 percent of them eventually married one.

Beware: Don't be fooled by The Office's Jim and Pam. When things turn rocky, the drama needs to be deep-sixed the moment you swipe your entry card. "Between peers, all the risk happens after a breakup," Losee says. "In the office, it's up to you to conduct yourself with dignity and keep your pain to yourself." A Match.com survey found that 56 percent of office couples who split up returned to work amicably.

Your Move: Casually suggest grabbing dinner, but do it when you're outside the office—at happy hour, for instance. "If she doesn't bite, back way off and leave it at that," says Losee. "You have to treat the situation delicately and show that you're open to being turned down." Staying cool can only enhance your reputation.

The Comedian

Why Her: She's smart and fearless—a fun combination. There's no walking on eggshells around her, says Paul Dobransky, M.D., a clinical psychiatrist and coauthor of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. "Female comedians are right-brained, confident, and not afraid to play the fool." And all that joking around can be good for your health: Laughter increases bloodflow and may lower your risk of heart disease, a University of Maryland study showed.

Beware: She could be a head case. A classic British study of 69 comedians found that while they displayed superior intelligence, they were also more prone to anger, suspicion, and depression. One possible reason, Dr. Dobransky says: She may have sadness or neglect in her past. "If it involves her father," he says, "study her dad's nature to know what she needs—and what she may be trying to overcome." As for her career, you might be surprised by how much serious work and stress go into her act. Says the Daily Show's Samantha Bee, "All comedians have a ball of chewed off fingernails in their stomachs the size of a slightly smaller stomach."

Your Move: Don't enter into a battle of wits with her. You're dealing with a professional. "Ask yourself, Do I occasionally enjoy being bested by a woman? Surprisingly often, the answer is no," says Bee. "Look into your heart and decide if you would prefer to date someone who laughs at everything you say and who needs you to order for her at restaurants—like a mail-order bride."

Also Works With: the Sales Rep, the Radio Host, the Bartender

The Executive

Why Her: She's as strong and ambitious as you are. That's hot. As a corporate leader she values decisiveness and is a natural problem solver. "If you want a woman to kowtow to your needs, pick someone young and put a ring on her finger. She'll live to serve you," says Katie, 29, a marketing executive. "But if you want someone who can be an equal and will still help run your future family efficiently and happily, find a woman who has already demonstrated that she can run her own life successfully."

Beware: Let her reach for the bill—sometimes. It shows her that you're secure about her success, even if she earns more than you do. "The financial stuff is the most complicated," says Gail Evans, a former executive vice president at CNN and the author of She Wins, You Win. "I know couples who have made rules where they pay relative to their income—but for a lot of guys, that's a big assault to their egos."

Your Move: Don't flip out if she makes a habit of rebooking. "Very successful women enjoy dating less-complicated men," Evans says. "Life is busy and wild at the office, so a guy who doesn't add his stress becomes instantly more attractive."

Also Works With: the Entrepreneur, the Heiress, the Stockbroker

The Doctor

Why Her: No free moment goes wasted, even in bed. Julie Holland, M.D., a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University and the author of Weekends at Bellevue, says that long hours of work can mean "she's going to want sex on command." (Followed, we should add, by a really long nap.) She'll also win approval among your friends—doctors finished third only to firefighters and scientists in a Harris Interactive poll that asked both men and women which professions they admired the most.

Beware: Date night could flatline, as many residents remain on call around the clock. Three out of five even work when they're sick, according to a survey in the Journal of the American Medical Association. That's one reason relationships outside the ER pose a challenge, and why her male coworkers wearing the white coats hold an unfair advantage. Turns out Grey's Anatomy has a germ of truth: "There's a special level of work-flirt I've seen only at hospitals," Dr. Holland says, "especially on overnight shifts."

Your Move: Don't discount the power of a night in with a bottle of wine and a Groundhog Day DVD. Anything you can do to lower the stress in her life—like, say, bringing over pasta—goes a long way. "If you can make her laugh, relax, and forget about her stressful job," says Dr. Holland, "you could be a keeper."

Also Works With: the Veterinarian, the Dentist, the Nurse

The Politician

Why Her: As long as your voting records align, your relationship has great odds of success. A Journal of Politics study found that out of nearly 5,000 married couples, more have political attitudes than personality traits in common. Better yet, she's mature, ambitious, and a natural leader. As Jeffrey Gardere, Ph.D., the author of Love Prescription, puts it: "You're getting a brilliant, professional woman who will take you to the highest highs, emotionally and financially."

Beware: Come clean about your past. The more clout she has, the more your baggage will matter in this world of Drudge Report and TMZ. Political foes are always on the lookout for potential dirt, even by association. "Unlike male politicians who might get away with dating for fun, the female politician is held to a higher standard," says Gardere. "She will probably want a committed and serious relationship."

Your Move: Be honest with her—she has a well-calibrated b.s. detector. "We have a lot of people blowing smoke up our skirts," says Angela Hunt, a member of the Dallas city council, "so we value directness and honesty."

Also Works With: the Lawyer, the Professor, the Producer

The Adrenaline Junkie

Why Her: She'll push your comfort zone—and the more excitement in your relationship, the better your long-term odds, according to a 2009 study in Psychological Science. She'll also find you unforgettable: Events that occur during extreme states of emotion are more memorable, researchers at Johns Hopkins and New York University found.

Beware: She may not be able to slow herself down. A 2009 study at the University of Kentucky showed that thrill seekers showed more activity in regions of the brain associated with addictive behaviors like smoking, but less activity in the areas linked to emotional regulation. The more committed she is to those heart-pounding adventures, the less available she's likely to be. "When I'm clinging to a sea cliff somewhere with waves crashing below me," says Bonita Norris, one of the youngest women ever to climb Mount Everest, "I'm unlikely to have a signal on my phone."

Your Move: Keep it simple. "Most women who live in the adventure world are never asked on actual dates," says Davis. "They're asked to climb El Cap or to sleep in a snow cave—which needs to happen too. But after all that, ask her to go on a date that calls for dressing up."

Also Works With: the Firefighter, the Police Officer, the Eco-Tour Guide

The Bartender

Why Her: A good bartender is a world-class listener and conversationalist—funny, charming, attentive. (Plus, she can mix a drink!) Daniel Menaker, the author of A Good Talk, notes that bartenders generally have lots of stories, ranging "from the hilarious to the pathetic, and they are able to read people instinctively." He compares them to nurses: "They're probably harder to shock, more sociable, more sympathetic, and more resilient than the general female population."

Beware: She's nocturnal. "If you're in the bar business, you need to be a night person," says Indhira Torres, a bartender at Philadelphia's Silk City Diner. "I'm probably more awake at 10 p.m. than any other time—and I often don't climb into bed until 3 or 4 a.m." The rest of her schedule can be killer, too. "You have to be flexible and creative," Torres says. "Sometimes it'll feel as if you have an absentee girlfriend because she's nowhere to be found on weekends."

Your Move: Get rowdy somewhere else. "A guy who worked across the street asked me out once," says Heather, 24, a bartender at a high-end New York City restaurant. "I said yes only because he was respectful, was not married, and never got wasted in the bar, so I wasn't embarrassed to show up with him."

Also Works With: the Psychiatrist, the Journalist, the Waitress

 

The Musician

Why Her: She's low maintenance. Sherri DuPree, lead singer of the rock band Eisley, says being a musician "forces you to take on a very adaptive, easygoing personality. Elements of the industry are constantly shifting, and everyone likes a woman who can laugh off stressful situations." And you can give credit to her more evolved gray matter: A recent study discovered that musicians have highly developed brains that leave them predisposed to being calm, playful, and capable of seeing the bigger picture.

Beware: Road trips could get old. "The biggest challenge is dealing with touring," says singer-songwriter Kina Grannis, 26. "It's something that needs to be understood and supported. It's not easy for either person, so don't make her feel guilty about it."

Your Move: Ask her about her songs—but give her time to write too. DuPree warns of the "creative mode, which usually means I'm going to shut myself in the closet with my guitar. You'd better not even think of knocking on that door until I'm done—or I might write a song about you that you won't like."

Also Works With: the Novelist, the Director, the Designer

The Chef

Why Her: She's a master of self-sufficiency. "We cook, pay our own bills, and can snag you a reservation at any restaurant you want," says Marcela Valladolid, the author of Mexican Made Easy and host of the Food Network show with the same name. "As for what we want in a man? Well, it helps if you're incredibly kind—and good in bed."

Beware: She does better when you back off. "Men should know that we are very controlling when we cook, and that we like things the way we like them," says Casey Thompson, a Top Chef finalist and executive chef at Brownstone in Fort Worth, Texas. "We will probably rearrange your entire kitchen to our own benefit. While we're doing that, just make us a cocktail, pick out the wine, and let us handle the cooking." (Deal!)

"There will be plenty of dirty dishes to help with after dinner." (Oh.)

Your Move: Relieve her of duty. "We feed people all day," Thompson says. "Sometimes we like to be fed too." Pick a meal she's less enthusiastic about preparing and give her the night (or, more likely, the morning) off. "I don't enjoy cooking breakfast," Thompson says. "Really good bacon, creamy scrambled eggs, and perfectly toasted bread cooked by you with love says, 'I want you to have a great day, and I care about you.' "

Also Works With: the Massage Therapist, the Organic Farmer, the Shop Owner

Keep Work Out of It

ODETTE ANNABLE says all actresses have a crazy side. But talk to the 26-year-old star of Cloverfield, Brothers & Sisters, and the current season of House, and it's clear she's tamed the Lohan within. For one, when she married her Brothers & Sisters co-star Dave Annable in October 2010, she made the un-Hollywood move of taking his last name. He proposed at a ranch in Santa Barbara where he'd taken her on a surprise trip earlier in their relationship. "We took hikes alone and fell in love," she says. She initially worried about "dating another crazy actor. But we had our priorities straight. We put family first. Acting is just my job, and it doesn't take over my life." Her advice to a man wanting to date an actress: "Don't talk about the business. Just make her feel normal." Odette's new normal: "We had a dream date the other night," she says. "I came home to beautiful flowers, some wine, and Greek food on the table. Then we watched Jersey Shore and went to bed early with the dogs."

Dating - How To Date Outside of Your Race

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• Nobody wants to be reduced to a stereotype, so don't emphasize her race immediately.
• Refrain from being a know-it-all about her race; it'll make you look more ignorant than anything.
• Don’t use her race or ethnicity as a pickup line.

"Everyone from lawyers, businessmen, police officers, and artists has asked me where I'm from, seemingly perplexed when I respond "New Jersey" as if that couldn't possibly be the right answer."

She’s hot. She’s cute. And she just so happens to be of another race. These days, dating someone outside of your own culture is hardly taboo, particularly if you live in a major city. But potential family issues aside, interracial dating can provide its own set of minefields, particularly when it comes to the pickup.

Don’t use her race as a pickup line

As a minority, I’ve encountered my fair share of men who think the easiest way into my pants is to use my ethnicity as a pickup line. The numerous times men have resorted to racial stereotypes to pick me up are endless. The problem is while these men may have good intentions, their execution is poor. They forget to take into account that women of other races are people too -- people who don’t necessarily walk around thinking about their ethnicity or nationality all day. If you’re white, do you think about your ethnicity on a regular basis? Do you think about how Italian or Irish or French you are? Chances are no, because there’s more to your life than just your ethnic makeup.

Don’t assume you know what her race is

As an added twist, no one really seems to know what I am. Guys try to discern what my ethnic makeup is, and my friends even take bets on what he’s going to guess. Usually it’s some form of Latina, often Mexican or Puerto Rican, but sometimes men branch out to Columbian or Chilean.

Alas, I’m none of the above. I’m Indian.

But that doesn’t stop white men from walking up to me in bars and saying “Hola!” or “Como esta?” Failing to relate to me as a person, they immediately use race as a cheap tactic to start up a conversation. One man even went so far as to say I’m sassy because of all that Latin blood running through me. I am sassy, but being Latina has nothing to do with it.

Famed sex blogger and Chinese-American Lena Chen relates. “I wasn't even out of high school when men started telling me ‘Konichiwa, beautiful’ on the street.” Some men have even used more primitive methods such as “Hey, Korea!” or “You Thai?”

Don’t act as though she’s not American, Canadian, Australian...

Not all of these men are uneducated, dumb or otherwise ignorant. Everyone from lawyers, businessmen, police officers, and artists have asked me where I'm from, seemingly perplexed when I respond “New Jersey,” as if that couldn’t possibly be the right answer. “No, where are you really from?” they ask again. When I once told a man I was Indian, he responded by saying, “You’re not all Ganesh and stuff.”

He was right. Funnily enough, I didn’t have eight arms or walk around in a sari. I was raised in New Jersey. I pepper my sentences with “like” and “omigod.” I have a predilection for classic rock, going to the shore and dive bars. My life is not a Bollywood movie. In fact, I don’t even watch Bollywood movies. I am more likely to be found joining every other red-blooded American singing “Don’t Stop Believing” at a bar than dancing to Bhangra music. For all intents and purposes, I am as American as anyone else. Yes, I am of Indian heritage and proud of it, but that’s hardly all there is to me. It’s one facet of my being.

Chen agrees. “If you heard my voice without knowing what I looked like, you'd probably assume that I was a white, teenage valley girl. My idea of fashion is a leather jacket over skinny jeans, not a kimono or Sailor Moon outfit.”

 

Don’t be a fetishist

Chen has the added problem of dealing with men who have Asian fetishes. While dating one man named Pierre (not his real name), he told her he liked Asian girls as they “weren't nearly as loud, crass, promiscuous, or out of shape as white women.”

In reality, she says, “I was, in fact, the very embodiment of all of the things he supposedly hated: loud, crass, promiscuous, and out-of-shape, yet because I’m Asian, he didn't seem to notice these qualities.”

Don’t pretend to be culturally enlightened

On the flip side, some men attempt to use race as a way to prove how culturally enlightened they are. Chen asks, “Are attempts to speak Mandarin just misguided efforts to impress me, a non-native speaker?”

Case in point: As I was writing this article at an airport bar, the bartender asked me what ethnicity I was. When I told him I’m Indian, he responded by saying, “That’s what I thought. I’ve traveled to India quite a bit, so I could tell.”

I didn’t believe him, of course, as even Indian people often don’t know that I’m Indian. What I believed is that he was attempting to impress me with his worldliness. I imagine I could have said Brazil, Italy or Iran, and he probably would have said the same thing. It’s funny how people who say they already knew I’m Indian only say so after I tell them. When I expressed my surprise, he continued by telling me most people are ignorant for assuming I’m Latina.

So, according to him, the legions of Latinas and Latinos who mistake me for one of them, as well as the Indian people who don’t realize I am, (or my born and raised Indian parents) are simply all ignorant. Even one of my closest Indian friends thought I was Puerto Rican upon first meeting me. I hardly consider my friend to be ignorant. In dissing everyone else who thought differently, it’s as if he sought to show me how culturally enlightened he was. Not only did he assume that everyone else is just an unintelligent a-hole, he made the dire mistake of behaving like a know-it-all.

He then dropped the fact that he used to date an Indian girl. I wondered if I should respond, “Oh, I used to date a white guy. I’ve traveled all over America, Canada and Europe, so I know a lot about white people.” I decided against it. He continued to tell me everything he knew about India, and even peppered the conversation with a few Punjabi phrases. My family doesn’t speak Punjabi and isn’t from Punjab. Not even close.

Don’t stereotype

Regardless of what end of the spectrum these men fell on, they didn’t realize how simple-minded they were showing themselves to truly be. They relied on racial stereotypes to, as Chen puts it, “impose a single set of expectations on women who might be radically different.” In other words, “the random dude on the street shouting ‘Ching-chong! Ching-chong!’ at every passing Asian girl is not so terribly different from the guy who earnestly asks, ‘Do you prefer to eat with chopsticks?’”

There’s nothing wrong with talking about race with a woman, but it shouldn’t be the first thing that comes out of your mouth. It should be something that comes up organically in the conversation, not a way to impress her. If you find yourself interested in a woman of another race, whether she is Asian, Latina, black, get to know her as a person first. Nobody wants to be reduced to a stereotype, and if that’s what you resort to when meeting a woman, you most certainly will not get very far.

Dating : Online Dating Advice

• What You Need To Know
• Her worst picture is the one you should trust.
• You should always be the one who approaches her online.
• When meeting in person for the first time, go for happy hour.

"Nine times out of 10, a girl is only as attractive as her worst picture."

It’s safe to say online dating has gone mainstream. Sure, you’ll still lie to your friends about signing up for it, but it was once described to me as going into a bar where you know every woman in there wants to meet someone. Pretty enticing. I gave it a go a few months ago, not because I need the help, but because I’m so devilishly handsome I needed a method of screening the myriad girls trying to date me (citation needed). It’s been fun, but it’s also been pretty frustrating. Why? Well, for starters, you learn quickly that a 2D image is actually a very poor representation of a real person you’ve never met.

There are entire online communities directed at helping men meet women online. There are forums that offer advice on everything from how to design your profile to how to choose the right pictures. If that’s not enough, there are businesses out there that will not only build your profile for you but will even handle all of your communications leading up to a first date (yes, that is a real thing). However, it doesn’t seem like any of these services are targeting women, and they should be. Women are no better at this than we are. Allow me to explain.

Use Pictures As A Guide, But Don't Always Trust Them

If you learn nothing else from my experiences, remember that the picture section of a girl’s profile is far and away the most important part of it. It’s literally the only thing you have to go on until you’ve physically met and spent time with her, and even then it can only take you so far.

The reason for this is that people can easily lie right through their teeth, and that’s doubly true when they can hide behind a keyboard and a user name in their profile. Sure, she might say she loves dogs and hiking and museums, but if she has pictures showing you that, then it adds a lot of credibility to the persona she’s selling you.

Another thing to keep in mind about pictures is that nine times out of 10, a girl is only as attractive as her worst picture. It sounds cruel, but it’s true. The picture that some girls select as their main profile picture often varies wildly from the ones you don’t see without looking for them.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a girl’s profile picture and thought, “Oh, here we go,” only to look at the rest of them and immediately wish I hadn’t. Everyone wants to put their best foot forward, but some girls find shots of themselves that look so much better than any of their other pictures that you’d swear they were Photoshopped. Some girls don’t have pictures at all. I’m almost positive these are all serial killers. Avoid them.

Finally, understand that if you go out on enough first dates, you’re eventually going to be dealt a losing hand in the form of a girl that looks nothing like any of her pictures (and never, ever in a good way). Honestly, I don’t see the point in misrepresenting yourself. Physical appearance is the one thing that you can’t hide from someone you’re meeting in person.

You may be able to hide your smoking habit, and she can certainly keep her religious beliefs to herself, but if I see pictures of a girl that show her being one size and she shows up looking completely different, it’s not like I’m not going to notice. There was one date when I walked right past a girl in the bar where we were meeting, not out of malice but because I honestly didn’t recognize her. That’s not a good way to start a date.

Nice Girls Will Wait For You To Email First

First of all, nice girls don’t make the first move. I don’t know why, but it’s true. When/if you get an unsolicited email from a girl, they almost always reek of desperation, and in my experience, they aren’t much in the looks department. That’s not to say you should ignore them because you never know what might happen, but the desirable ones tend to know they’re desirable, so they have no incentive to reach out to you, because they’re getting 50+ emails per day and can take their pick. No, if you want to get the good ones you have to put yourself out there. I’m fine with that. It more or less mirrors real life. In doing so, you’ll probably want to read her profile first. When you do that, this is what you’re likely to find:

“I love to laugh and have fun with my friends. I’m driven and ambitious, but I also have a silly side. I’m just as comfortable with a night on the town as I am staying in and cuddling on the couch. I love trying new foods and curling up with a good book, but above all else, I love to travel and experience new cultures.”

Or something like that. I’d wager that she enjoys breathing and sleeping as well. I don’t know why girls tend to write the same kinds of things about themselves, and it makes it really hard to distinguish the interesting ones from the not-so-interesting. In fairness, most of the guy profiles I’ve seen aren’t much better and tend to run along the same lines (note: checking out profiles is a great way to get invited into a girl’s place, as everyone wants to know what the other side of the coin looks like).

"I’m not shelling out a ton of cash on someone I’ve never met before."

If I had to guess, I’d say that people try to encompass and summarize themselves as a whole, and in the process, it turns into generic drivel. In light of this, my best advice is to make your correspondence very short, as light as possible, and ending with an open-ended question.

That’s important because it’s the only thing that’s going to drive the conversation moving forward. In real life, social cues and surroundings can do a lot to inspire conversation topics, but via email, it’s up to the individuals to move things forward. I’ve gotten stuck before conversing with girls who don’t understand this (or just didn’t find me interesting/funny), and it makes things really difficult. At all costs, avoid reading her profile and then launching into a long diatribe about either how pretty she is, how much you have in common, or both. You’re still a stranger to them, and as such, laying it on that thick is really off-putting.

Going on a real-life date

Congratulations. You’ve found someone who seems normal enough, appeals to your eye, can hold up their end of an email conversation, and has agreed that it would be a good idea to meet a veritable stranger in public. That’s half the battle. Once you’ve decided to meet, however, it’s on to act two. The best way I can describe a first-time meeting is like the first time you have lunch or something with a business contact you’ve only dealt with over the phone or email. You know a little bit about them, but that information has been sanitized and you’re not going to have a lot to talk about in person. As you walk to the venue, you’re overcome with the acute and overwhelming sense of dread that comes with the realization that you’re about to meet a complete stranger with explicitly romantic intentions. It’s daunting, to be sure.

Once you meet, you realize that all of the prior emails and innuendos and witty banter go out the window. You know very little about this person and your only topics of conversation appear to be the standard “Where are you from?" "What do you do?” type questions, which are inherently un-sexy. It’s better if you’re good at talking about things going on around you (even if it’s just a sporting event on TV) and relaying a story about yourself that ties into it. This will hopefully encourage her to do the same. Also, booze helps. But not too much. On my very first online date, I was meeting a girl at a bar to watch a basketball game. The first words out of her mouth were: “Ugh, I can’t believe I’m binge drinking for a ninth night in a row.” It should be noted that it was a Tuesday night.

In regard to the venue, I always, always opt for happy hour, and preferably at a bar convenient to both of us. This may sound cheap or classless, but remember this is a stranger you’re meeting. There may be readers who want to whine in the comments about the death of courtship and guys like me being what’s wrong with the world, but I’m sorry -- I’m not shelling out a ton of cash on someone I’ve never met before.

This is not the time for a fancy dinner, ever

Logistics aside, most women will tell you that going balls-out on a fancy dinner actually makes for a terrible first date anyway, because it’s just too much. She’s probably just as nervous as you are, unless she’s like one of my dates that was so nervous that she got hammered before I got arrived, thereby alleviating some of the nerves. (We dated for a bit after that, despite my better judgment. She was fun.)

But under normal circumstances, happy hour is perfect because it’s casual, usually in broad daylight, and offers a time constraint. Sitting down over a few beers after work is a great way to meet someone, see what they’re about and set a time for the next date if things go well. It also tells you a bit about their intentions. If a girl agrees to happy hour and proceeds to order $15 martinis that aren’t part of the special, it may be a hint as to what she’s looking for.

It all comes down to the right attitude

That brings me to my last point: intentions. Be open to the new experiences, because you’re going to have them. You’ll meet girls who are only interested in a quick fling or casual sex, girls who want a boyfriend, and even girls who already have a boyfriend.

Without fail, every girl you meet will have some kind of prepared speech about how they only signed up for online dating (because their friends made them, they were drunk, it was a dare, etc.) as a means of conveying to you that they aren’t taking it too seriously, even if they really are. And, really, that’s the key to success with online taking: not taking it too seriously. You may get a lover or even a wife out of it, but no matter what, you’re going to have some stories to tell. For me, that alone made it worth it.

Oh, and the hooking up. All of the hooking up.

Dating : How To Pick Up a Girl at an Upscale Cocktail Bar

Let's be honest: One of the prime reasons guys venture out of your caves and into those wood-paneled, beer-soaked caves called dive bars is to get laid. If you could stick a bed in between the Buck Hunter and the taps, you would. And you'd use pretty much any trick in the book to get a girl into it.

But what happens when tonight's destination is an upscale cocktail bar — will the same old pick-up strategies work at a spot where the Natty Light doesn't flow so freely?

To get the answer, Dushan Zaric, a mixologist and part owner of New York City's Employees Only, which just won World's Best Cocktail Bar and World's Best Drink Selections at Tales of the Cocktail, a liquor industry convention that honors its best and brightest. Zaric has seen his fair share of good, bad, and embarrassing bar-room mating, and tells BroBible that all the fancy swilling at Employees Only doesn't necessarily mean that the men who frequent it know what they're doing. In fact, Zaric, who's worked everywhere from dive bars to high-end establishments, doesn’t think guys are any more successful at his bar than they are when pounding Jaeger shots at their neighborhood haunt. Put bluntly: "Men need a lot of help."

In the vain of his first book, "You Didn't Hear It From Us: Two Bartenders Serve Women The Truth About Men, Making An Impression and Getting What You Want," we asked Zaric to advise men on cocktail bar pick-up etiquette. And since much of his advice probably applies to dive bars as well, you might want to start taking notes.

Women are Women No Matter Where They Are
"People tend to be a lot more relaxed in dive bars," Zaric admits. "But in New York City single women outnumber single men 3:1, so every woman is interested in meeting a single man who's not gay. So that’s a plus for men." Yet he rarely sees men capitalize on such a naturally occurring phenomenon. And when they do, they usually say the wrong thing. "The women who come to our bar are knowledgeable about their jobs and careers." In other words, steer clear of the usual pick-up lines.

Instead, Focus on the Drinks, Stupid
Hanging at a swanky, dimly lit cocktail bar may run counter to your usual nighttime patterns, but you can use this to your advantage, he says. You have a whole menu of drinks to use as icebreakers. Avoid the "where do you live" and "what do you do for a living" questions. Instead, "Do some research and find a favorite cocktail, order it, and then be aware of what she's ordering and drinking. Find some common ground. If she's in a cocktail bar or nice restaurant, she's there for the products and service." (Or at least for the guys who appreciate the products and service.) To pull this off, you first want to brush up on your general knowledge of alcohol. Go online beforehand and look at the drink menu and find out if there are any unique qualities about the establishment. For example, Employees Only has its own line of vodka, gin, white and red wines, and homemade cordials. They believe in mixing drinks with natural products as to mime what boozy luminaries like F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway may have imbibed during the speakeasy era. This is all-important knowledge to take with you into battle.

Classy Women Tend to Order Champagne First… Or Vodka Sodas When They're Watching Their Weight
It's unwise to judge a person by their cocktail of choice, says Zaric. But in his experience the classiest girls always order something a little "bubbly" in the beginning. A telltale sign a lady is watching her waistline? Vodka soda. "Women have this impression that vodka soda is so much healthier than any other drink, but it isn't true. If you want to lose weight, stop drinking." If you see one of these ordered, use it as an opportunity to show off your newfound knowledge of the cocktail menu. Without commenting on her calorie counting (obviously), try to get her to switch from her usual to one of the bar's signature drinks. "Come on, you can't order a vodka-soda here — why don't you try a…" If the bartender isn’t too busy he’ll not only help out with the conversation and selection but secretly thank you for being the bar’s unofficial salesperson. And if you play your cards correctly, she'll probably want to know more about the guy at the bar who introduced her to the homemade hibiscus cordial.

Listen, Listen, and Listen Some More
At cocktail bars, the background music will be turned down (with singalongs at a minimum), the space won't be as crowded, and your conversation won't consist entirely of back-and-forth shouting. Use that atmosphere to your advantage, even if it means going against your usual habits. "Women are in touch with emotions; men are not conditioned to deal with them," says Zaric. "True as this may be, you'll get along a lot further if you actually listen to her." Zaric says he has witnessed one too many dates that appear more like job interviews with "the man ranting off his resume and the woman wide-eyed and not able to get a word in edgewise." Avoid this. "Actually look her in the eyes. Learn to listen. Every woman likes a listener and it's a guaranteed way to get closer to your end-of-the-night goal."

Watch Her Drinking, and Watch Her
"How does she drink?" Zaric asks. It isn't only men who turn into different people after a few cocktails. Study how her behavior shifts. Does she turn mean? Overly flirtatious? Obnoxious? Trust your instincts. "Nobody wants to go to bed with a crazy person." "Uptown girls" know how to limit their drinking, he says. Also, while you’re talking to her be aware of subtle body language. Is she looking at you more than she’s looking around? Is her body facing you or are you attempting to engage her back in a conversation? Is she playing with her hair, touching her décolleté, genuinely laughing at your jokes? Zaric has watched many a well-intentioned man who is far more concerned with how he's looking than with paying attention to the object of his desire. A little thought goes a long way, fellas.

Finally, Be Transparent
In general, and this should be a cardinal rule whether you’re at the cocktail bar, dive, office, coffee shop, or park: Zaric advises his fellow man to be honest. “More men need to learn how to be as transparent as possible," he says. “It always works well to say what you're going to do. Women want someone they can rely on. Give them expectations that will be fulfilled. Be straightforward. If it's only a physical attraction, don't promise anything else."

An Employees Only Crash Course In Drinks
If you find yourself in the West Village, check out these handy Hers and His cocktail suggestions at Employees Only. And don't ever order Red Bull or Jaeger or "Bombs" of any sort. Ever.

HIS
You’ll want something dark and strong. Check out the Billionaire Cocktail.
2 oz Baker’s Bourbon
1 oz. fresh lemon juice
.5 oz simple syrup
.5 oz Employees Only brand Grenadine
.25 oz Absinth bitters

HERS
“Women always seem to gravitate toward the fruity drinks,” says Zaric. Offer her the Hemingway Daiquiri.
1.5 oz. 10 Cane Rum
.5 oz Luxardo Maraschino Cherry Liquor
1 oz. fresh grapefruit juice
.5 oz. fresh lime juice
.5 oz simple syrup

Dating : A Gentleman Never Arrives Empty-Handed

It’s a sultry summer night, and you’re on your way to an elegant dinner party given by your boss and his charming wife. You arrive at the appropriate time, impeccably dressed in casual evening wear and greet your hostess with a smile—and nothing more.
Imagine your mortification and horror when you pass a table in the hall loaded with bottles of wine, flower arrangements, gourmet coffee, and other small gifts. You search your brain…is it the host’s anniversary? A birthday? Did someone retire?
Although the party might be a celebration of one of those occasions, it’s far more likely that guests with better manners than you brought thoughtful tokens of appreciation for their hosts.
Like thank you notes, the giving of gifts to your hosts is becoming a lost art. When we do remember to bring a nice little something, it’s invariably a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine from the corner liquor store. Really, can’t we do better than that?
Gone may be the days of bringing your hostess lavish crystal or a pair of mourning doves when you arrive at the manor for a weekend stay, but we haven’t become complete savages. Your hosts have expended a great deal of time, effort, and expense to provide you with an evening (or weekend) of food, drink, and entertainment. The least you can do is thank them with an appropriate gift.
Summer is here and with it a bevy of seasonal social obligations: barbeques, picnics, dinner parties, and weekends away. Never arrive at someone’s home without something more to contribute than your personality, as stunning as it might be. Take this opportunity to man up and accept this simple rule: no matter what the occasion, a gentleman never arrives empty-handed.

The Rules of Appropriate Gifting

A hostess gift doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should be thoughtful. Consider the types of activities your hosts enjoy, and gift accordingly. As a general rule, your budget should be around $15 to $30, depending upon the formality of the occasion.
An important rule to remember is that you should never bring anything that makes more work for your hosts. The best example is that of flowers: If you bring a cello-wrapped bouquet, your hostess must stop what she is doing, find a vase, trim the ends from the flowers and greenery, arrange the bouquet, and find a place for it. If you’re giving flowers, be sure to bring a bouquet that is already arranged in a vase.
Likewise, never bring food to add to the menu unless your hostess has specifically requested you do so. If you’d like to bring food or drink as your gift, make sure your hosts understand that the gift is for their enjoyment, and you don’t expect them to share it with their guests.

Give Thoughtfully

Although wine and flowers are traditional hostess gifts and will always be appreciated, why not challenge yourself and come up with something a little more creative? Try one of these suggestions:

• Gourmet coffee. Always opt for whole bean coffee (if they’re the kind of people who will enjoy coffee as a gift, they’re likely to have their own grinder). Skip the fancy flavors and select a medium brew from a recognized brand, not the mystery bag you find on the shelf at Ross.
• Fine chocolate. For a gift of chocolate to be a hit, it must be unusual and special. Visit an upscale department store or chocolatier for a small box of exquisite truffles.
• Posh spices. If you know your hosts enjoy cooking, visit an upscale market or boutique for a selection of interesting peppercorns, cinnamon, or other often-used spices. A set of sea salts will likely be a big hit. You might also consider a small assortment of spices for ethnic food, such as turmeric, saffron, or coriander.
• Scented candles. Yes, these are overdone, but there’s a reason for that—most everyone enjoys them. Opt for something well-crafted, not a Glade candle from the supermarket. For a host, try a candle with a uniquely masculine scent–like one that smells like a barbershop.
• Kitchen gadgets. Hosts that frequently entertain will always enjoy adding another tool to their party arsenal, like retro metal cocktail skewers, linen kitchen cloths, or a set of unique coasters.
• Fresh produce. If you happen to garden, bring a small box of your garden’s bounty, packaged so that it can go straight into the refrigerator. Even if your hosts are carnivores, they’ll delight in your interesting gift. Skip this option if you don’t garden or settle for something simple, like a large basket of succulent road-stand strawberries.

Avoid overly personal gifts, such as perfume, bath products, or articles of clothing. Although etiquette guides disagree, skip the houseplant unless your hostess has a renowned green thumb; otherwise, you put her at risk of worrying if she’ll kill it.
Although it may seem terribly clever, resist the urge to develop a “signature” gift, such as a particular bottle of wine you bring each time you visit. You might think your hosts delight in receiving your special brand of manliness, but in reality, they’re probably chuckling about the fact that you’ve brought the same bottle of poor quality chardonnay to their last three dinner parties.

Let the Gift Match the Occasion

Your hostess gift should reflect the occasion. An elaborate flower arrangement isn’t appropriate for a pool party, just as a six-pack just won’t do for a formal dinner. Consider the tone and nature of the party, and gift accordingly.
Occasions that demand hostess gifts include dinner parties, pool parties, weekend visits, extended stays…basically anytime you’re foisting your presence on someone in their home.
Although Peggy Post, descendent of etiquette doyenne Emily Post, says that it isn’t necessary to bring a gift to a cocktail party or open house, what could it hurt? Who doesn’t want another bottle of premium vodka for their bar? Who would be offended by a simple flower arrangement? It’s far better to err on the side of graciousness and bring a little something, regardless of the occasion.

Wine, Beer & Spirits

All this talk of flowers and scented candles aside, most men prefer to bring liquor to events they attend. Yes, as we’ve mentioned it’s not very unique, but it’s well-received, it’s easier, and it’s something many men feel more comfortable buying and giving. Appropriate to nearly every occasion—except if you’re visiting a “dry” house—alcohol can be a thoughtful hostess gift if you think a little before you purchase it.
Take wine, for example. If your hosts are oenologists, don’t insult them with a bottle of two-buck Chuck. Visit a real liquor store and purchase something in the $20 range, like a nice chardonnay or cabernet sauvignon. Or you could exercise a little creativity and select an interesting sauvignon blanc, viognier, zinfandel (red only, please), muscat or shiraz from a more unusual wine region, like Alexander Valley or Chile. If you are helpless around wine, ask the proprietor for help.
Fine liquor makes for another excellent hostess gift. Unless you know your host has specific tastes in spirits, stick to the basics, like brandy, fine gin, flavored vodka, or top-shelf tequila. Jagermeister, Goldschlager, and flavored schnapps are never acceptable.
You might think that beer isn’t an appropriate hostess gift, but you would be wrong—provided you give it at the right occasion. As previously mentioned, a formal dinner is not the right event for beer, unless, of course, your host is a microbrewery aficionado. In that case, opt for something unique and interesting, like something you’d order from a beer club. For more casual occasions, pick up a six-pack of good beer, like a stout or an IPA.

Giving the Gift with Style

Although it isn’t necessary to stick a bow on your sixer or your wine in a fancy bag, you should take care to present your gift with style. Non-alcohol-related gifts should be wrapped or otherwise artfully presented, with the price tags removed and the store bag left in the car.
When you arrive, don’t thrust the package at your host the moment she opens the door. Say hello, walk inside, and only then present your host with your thoughtful gift. Make certain she knows that she is under no obligation to share; the gift is purely for her amusement and enjoyment.

Dating : A Guide to Leveraging Your Nerd Cred into Dates

It’s
a simple fact of life: some men spend more time scoring on the Xbox than on the field (or during ladies’ night at the local bar). Others fear that members of the opposite sex will find out about their fondness for Dungeons and Dragons, or the fact that they dress in robes and fight preteens with foam swords on the weekends.

Still others hide the fact that they desperately want to get laid by immersing themselves in foreign languages. We’re not talking something sexy like Italian or French; we mean the kinds you whisper to your computer late at night that are made up of esoteric combinations of ASCII code.
If you’re part of this demographic, you might be surprised when we tell you to consider yourself lucky; after all, there’s never been a better time in the history of manhood to indulge in these types of activities. Socrates was forced to commit suicide because of his mental prowess; Benjamin Franklin had to loudly proclaim (however apocryphally) the benefits of beer in order to make up for his geekier pursuit of being one of the first slaves to electricity.

Likewise, there’s never been a better time to leverage some of your nerdier moments into your greatest sexual triumphs. Basically what we’re trying to tell you is that you don’t need to change the fiber of your being in order to enjoy positive female attention; instead, like any good inventor or quester, you can use what you’ve got to achieve your goal.
For example…
Fix Her Gadgets


You might not be the guru at your local hacker space or the head engineer at a major software company, but even the smallest amount of know-how can take you a long way when it comes to seducing the opposite sex with your technical prowess. The fact is, despite recent advances in science and technology education for girls, a lot of times men end up more advanced in this realm — often because fooling around with computers and other electronic devices is something guys just do together.

Even if her grasp of Linux is greater than yours, she’ll probably appreciate the fact that you’re being chivalrous by offering to rid her life of commercial operating systems. After all, girls love it when guys come to their rescue.

Two caveats: first, make sure that your penchant for upgrading her PC doesn’t land you squarely in the friend zone. Plenty of women have hordes of backup techno-wizards on speed dial who are willing to fix things for them without demanding anything in return.

How do you avoid this trap? Involve her in the process; the second she leaves you alone in the room with her gear, you’re screwed. Take a break and invite her out for coffee or beer if her attention wanders. We know gadgets are fun, but don’t get so into what you’re doing that you forget why you’re there in the first place (which is to score, a fact we hope we didn’t need to remind you of).
Second, don’t break her stuff. Not only will you lose out on a date; there might be some legal implications involved as well.
Go On Techie Shopping Trips


While you don’t want to offend women by letting them know that you think they all love to shop, the truth is that even the most die-hard feminists can feel the lure of commercial culture. How else can you explain the fact that women make more than 80% of buying decisions?

The trick is to find out the right buttons to push when it comes to the female you have your eye on (trust us; this is a skill that will come in handy again later if the date goes well). Some girls will swoon over endless arrays of colorful, interchangeable laptop skins. Others will be impressed with your ability to demo the latest techie features, such as 3D handheld gaming systems and mulit-touch technology. Still others will want to know how electronic toys can help them do all the things they love, such as listening to music and reading up on the most recent adventures of reality show starlets.
Again, take subtle steps to ensure she knows you want to get into her pants, not be her best buddy. No matter how many hints she drops, don’t buy her anything. Don’t be afraid to get hands-on with her during your demonstrations. And make sure she knows you’re interested in women (you know, with the whole shopping thing…)
Whisk Her Away on Romantic Adventures


Men tend to love adventures in which they collect powerful magical items and slay mystical creatures. Women, on the other hand, like the kind that involve wine, roses and weekend getaways at cozy bed and breakfasts (at least, if romance movies are to be believed).

We’re here to tell you that the above information about women is patently false; there is absolutely no need for you to sleep in a room lacquered with terrifying wallpaper alongside ten cats in order to woo a date. Instead, you can use what you’ve learned from role-playing games to take your lady friend on an adventure that you’ll both enjoy.

It’s easy to do. First, find out a little about the interests of your object of desire; think about this as the part of the quest where you talk to the townsperson who apparently has nothing better to do than sit around and wait for heroes to walk by.

Then, identify a (short) list of locations that contain objects of interest, such as the underground bar that sells mead by the glass, the easily-missed hipster music store that’s got all the best indie records or the local exotic foods marketplace that provides such oddities as dragonfruit and pickled chicken feet (hey, we’re not here to judge your crush). Invite the girl to “hang out,” make sure she’s wearing comfortable walking shoes, and set off on your grand journey.

She’ll love the fact that you actually put some thought into your activities, and you’ll love that the two of you have more to talk about during your date than how long it’s taking the snooty waiter to bring you your overcooked spaghetti. We guarantee that the potential reward will be even better than Legendary Unobtainium Flame-Resistant Diamond-Studded Armor With Shoulder Pads of Doom.

Dating : Why She Fakes It

• 
  
• Some women fake orgasms because they're afraid of losing control.
• Fears of pregnancy and STDs lead some women to fake it.
• The things that made your ex climax might not work for your new girlfriend.

"Women are sometimes as perplexed as men when it comes to the female body."

You think she’s happy. She sounds pleased. She’s making all the right noises. She’s moaning and breathing heavily. She came… you think. Or did she? She could very well be faking it. To men who are able to come quickly and easily with a few thrusts, faking it seems alien. Why pretend? Why not just come? Well, it’s not always that easy. The reasons women fake it are often as varied as women themselves.

She wants to stroke his ego

A lot of women simply don’t want to hear a man ask them why they didn’t come. The reality is, for many, it’s not that easy to orgasm, and they don’t need to every time. This isn’t to say a woman isn’t enjoying sex. An orgasm isn’t a requisite for enjoyment. Sometimes she needs a mind-blowing orgasm, and other times, she just wants to be intimate. So rather than have a man keep pounding at her until she’s chafing, it’s just easier to pretend.

She is too inhibited and fears losing control

If she’s the type that has the perfect hair, the perfect job and the perfect wardrobe, she may well be afraid of losing control by allowing herself to orgasm. Dr. Ava Cadell, sex therapist and author of the upcoming book Sexy Little Book of Oral Pleasure, says, “A lot of women don’t want to be seen as out of control because they think they’ll look ugly or weak or vulnerable.” A woman who is afraid of looking messy, of squirting, having you see her “O” face, looking fat, or otherwise doing something “embarrassing” may be unable to let go enough to let herself climax.

Fear of pregnancy/STDs

If she's terrified of pregnancy or is simply worried about contracting a disease, she could be unable to focus on the task at hand during sex. A woman in this situation is going to need time and a very safe environment if she’s going to feel relaxed enough to allow herself to let go and enjoy sex without fear. And, of course, make sure you always wrap it up! If she knows you take your sexual health seriously, she’ll feel more comfortable.

She doesn’t know how to get off

Unlike men who have easy access to their penis, women are sometimes equally as dperplexed as men when it comes to the female body. Men grow up masturbating at a young age. But many women don’t learn about masturbation until well into their 20s, and even then it’s a complicated situation. Between the G-spot, the clitoris, vibrators, fingers, and everything else that’s going on, women often don’t even know how to make themselves reach orgasm, much less tell someone else how to do it. 

 

She feels guilty about sex

On the other hand, even if a woman knows what gets her off, she may not know how to share it or may be uncomfortable asking for it. Often,  women (and men) are embarrassed about their own fantasies for fear of being perceived as weird, easy, nymphomaniacal or perverted. Depending on how she was raised, her guilt could be really extreme, so she might be uptight about sex overall, or just uncomfortable about receiving and experiencing pleasure.

She’s experiencing a lack of stimulation

Stimulation can be mental, physical, emotional, or sexual, according to Dr. Cadell. If you’re playing her clitoris like Mozart plays the piano, she still may not get off if she’s just not into you. If she’s not feeling it, the only way for her to finish the job is to either fantasize about someone else or fake it. On the other hand, some guys just don’t know what they’re doing. Or they think what they’re doing will work because it made the last woman see God. If only it were that simple. Every woman is different, so what got your ex off is not necessarily going to get your current partner off. 

She wants to get it over with

Between work, kids and/or maintaining a household, many women are just tired and lacking in time. Even though society is becoming increasingly more equal, women still shoulder most of the burden in running a home and caring for others, leaving very little time to care for themselves. Or she may just be pissed off at you or tired or hungry. Dr. Caldell says, “I suggest some kind of escape where you can enter a world of fantasy rather than reality. Believe it or not, watching soft or hardcore porn is therapeutic and sexually arousing to women after a long, arduous day, too.”

what you can do to help

So what can you do to ensure her full enjoyment? First off, be attentive to what gives her pleasure. If you’re not sure, ask! Women are not robots, so don’t assume that just because you watched Jenna Jameson get off in a porno, your partner will get off with those same moves. If she’s feeling stressed out or super busy, help lighten the load by offering to cook dinner or clean up. For women, having an orgasm has as much to do with physicality as it does with psychology. Let her know that she is gorgeous and you love the way she looks no matter what, and she’s more likely to feel uninhibited.

No matter what, do not fall into the trap of thinking you know it all. As Lou Paget, sexpert and author of Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming, says, “Please don't tell a woman all your other girlfriends orgasmed that way. She knows they didn't.”

10 Cheap Date Ideas She’ll Actually Love

Bonus #11: Impromptu living room dance party.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Joe Weber of Dappered.com.

“’Cause I don’t care too… much for money, money can’t buy me love“ – The Beatles

If you’ve decided to take on the challenge of dating women instead of simply hanging out with them, there’s both good news and bad news.
The bad news is that you’re going to have to overcome your nervousness and fear of rejection.
But the good news is that taking women out on dates doesn’t have to be expensive. It simply takes a little more thought.
Too many men make the mistake of believing they can buy their way out of thinking. But creative, cheap dates are often the best kind. They’re more memorable than the standard dinner and a movie, and when a woman sees that you’re thoughtful, she won’t care how much dough you spent on taking her out (if she’s a keeper, that is).
So here are 10 fiscally responsible options for when you’re short on cash but still want to impress her with a terrific date…

1. Wine Tasting

Wineries are sprouting up everywhere this side of Antarctica. Most of these upstarts allow wine tasting for free or for a very small price (and often times, those that charge let you keep the glass.) Go and learn about the different wines, what they pair well with, and keep mental notes on which varietals she enjoys the most. Knowing a woman’s preferred type of wine isn’t as important as knowing her eye color, but it helps. As counter-intuitive as it may feel for those of us who see wasting alcohol as a mortal sin, make sure you use that spit bucket. You’re driving, you need to be responsible, and if you swallow every taste you’re not going to be fit to drive her home. You don’t have to spit every taste, but showcase some restraint. She’ll notice and appreciate it.

2. Hit a Flea Market

Unlike antique shops, flea markets seem geared for the young and not as affluent. The merchandise is almost always more interesting if not downright weird. Same goes for the people in attendance and those who are selling the goods. You can watch people barter, look over pieces of furniture that are probably haunted, and maybe pick up some small gift for your date if something inexpensive catches her eye. If it’s jewelery? Who knows. Maybe it won’t even turn her skin green. (Or it could end up being some awesome treasure). Try and stick to outdoor flea markets that have a good reputation. Not those once in a blue moon indoor sales which charge you an arm and a leg before you even get to lay eyes on what’s for sale.

3. The Sunset Hike + Post Pub Visit

Going for a meandering walk with no real destination can be fun, but hiking to the top of an easy to get to peak to watch the sun go down gives you purpose. Keep it to under 45 minutes. You don’t want to go on some epic journey only to end up stumbling through the dark. Reward yourselves with a beer or glass of wine afterwards at a cozy pub. This works terrific in the fall when you can see all the changing leaves around you.

4. The Photography-Filled Afternoon

File this one under the category of two-birds/one stone. Most of us have relatives in other parts of the country (or world) and you never know what to get them for their birthday or the holidays. Go on a photo hunting expedition in your hometown for the places and scenes that best represent where you live. When you’re all done, pick 12 of the best and hit one of the many websites that allow you to upload photos and create wall calendars. There’s your gift for Grandma and Grandpa who live a few time zones away and would love a reminder of what it looks like where you live.

5. The Bicycle Picnic

Picnics are always at the top of everyone’s list for cheap and romantic dates. But mixing in a leisurely long bike ride can make a nice difference. It’s relaxing, you get to enjoy some scenery on the way, and it’s far more romantic and engaging when compared to fighting through traffic and finding a place to park. Keep the menu simple, know any open container laws that might apply to your eventual picnic destination, and make sure you’ve got a backpack and bike gear rack that can handle your load. Take a bike lock with you. You might end up taking a detour on the way home for ice cream.

6. Take a Historical Walking Tour of Your Town

Almost always free, historical walking tours actually make you stop and appreciate the history that most of us drive by every single day. We’ve got our own point As and point Bs, and most of us rarely spend time focusing on the places in-between. Usually these tours are led by volunteers who can be real characters, and the buildings and their stories are never boring. Both (the guides and history) will provide for plenty of conversation at the cafe or bar afterward. Nostalgia, history, architecture, an appreciation for the past… it’s all wrapped up in one of these on-foot freebies.

7. Cheering on Your Local Roller Derby Girls

For the cost of one cheap seat at most major league games, you and your date could watch one of the hundreds of local roller derby clubs duke it out with a rival. Usually a ticket will let you see a couple of bouts, and the speed and spills are the real deal. It’s something different but still sports related, with just enough adrenaline, which doesn’t involve sweaty guys for once.

8. The Untraditional Movie Night

There are two options here. First, if you’ve just jumped into a relationship, skip the new romantic comedy that just hit the Redbox, and instead go with a classic like Casablanca, To Catch a Thief, or even the goofy-as-all-get-out original Ocean’s 11. Grab some takeout, make a meal, or have some cocktails on hand that line up with the plot or location of your chosen old Hollywood story. Set an upscale mood by dressing up a bit. You don’t want to look like you’re settling in for a night on the couch because you have the flu. Just because you’re at home watching a movie, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dress up for her.
For those that have been in a relationship for awhile, consider reenacting your first movie date. We all (should) know the first movie we saw with our significant other. Find it for cheap on DVD, grab a wicker type basket from a craft store, dress it up with some tissue paper, and load it up with popcorn, M&Ms, and other movie theater-type snacks. Deliver it to her and ask her over for a movie night. Should cost you less than the arm and a leg you spent on just the popcorn and sodas alone when you two first saw it in the theater.

9. Farmer’s Market in the Morning, Making Dinner Together That Evening

Staying in and making dinner together is as romantic as it gets, but use your dinner date as an excuse to hit your local farmer’s market that morning. Stroll past the different vendors, and eventually you’ll start assembling a pile of fresh local ingredients that you can use that evening. You don’t have to get everything at the market. Maybe just the foundational items for each course–perhaps a couple bunches of kale to saute up with some olive oil and garlic, a couple of local organic chicken breasts that will be plenty easy to stuff, and some berries to pair up with shortcake for dessert. Get creative, then use the middle of the day to find some easy recipes and pick up the rest of the ingredients you’ll need.

10. Monopoly. Loser Buys Dinner or Drinks

Don’t scoff at board games (or cards). They can make for a terrific evening in (if that’s what you’re looking for). Put a friendly couples related wager down on the outcome (dinner, drinks… I’m sure your imagination is wandering to other places). It’ll make the game all the more interesting. Skip Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit. Those can get too mentally competitive. Monopoly has enough chance involved that no one’s feelings will get hurt (yours included) if someone completely dominates the other. And dominate Monopoly you will if you nab those orange properties (it’s true, they’ve done studies). Win, and if the prize includes a night out on her dime? Then this cheap date idea just produced another. Well… for you at least.