Sex isn't a RaceSex isn't a race, so take time to explore her. Focus on her thighs and lower belly. Make a mental circle 2 inches around the outside of her vagina and don't cross the line while you kiss, lick, and caress.
Give Her Plenty of TimeIf you want morning sex, set your alarm at least 20 minutes early. A woman won't want sex if she's hurried, and she'll probably need about 20 minutes to reach orgasm.
Grunts are Better Than NothingShe'll give longer and more enthusiastic oral sex if you give her a verbal response. Even appreciative grunts are better than silence.
Vary the StimulationWhen you're all the way inside her, add side-to-side movement or up-and-down pelvic pressure against her clitoris to vary the stimulation.
Make a Fantasy LotteryBoth you and your lady write five sexual fantasies down on five separate notebook cards. Then head to a restaurant where you can get a booth and some privacy in a public setting. Over dinner and wine, pull out the cards and make three piles—"yes," "maybe someday," and "not on your life." Put the possibles in a shoe box, and once a month pull out a winner.
Mimic Her StyleAsk her to kiss your earlobe with the same pressure she prefers during oral, then cop her style next time you're south of the border.
Exercise TogetherWork out together. Think of it as fat-burning foreplay. It will raise her dopamine levels, easing her anxieties. Bonus: Your post-run sweat has androstadienone, a testosterone derivative that spikes her arousal when she smells it.
Ignore BombshellsRemain calm when a decked-out bombshell strolls by and you'll be sending the message that you're too smart to be wowed by a Wonderbra and red lipstick.
Give Her the Perfect ComplimentThe best compliments are the ones that involve multiple senses. "You have beautiful breasts" is nice. "You have beautiful breasts—they feel so soft and warm in my hands" is that much more intimate.
Don't Give in to TemptationIf a woman who knows you're spoken for comes on to you, it's flattering. It's tempting. But remember that she's doing it to feed her own ego, not yours. She wants to see how much power she holds over you. And if you take her bait, she then knows she must be superior in every way to your sweetie. Deep down, she has nothing but contempt for both your male weakness and your mate's existence. That should really piss you off.
Find Her G-SpotUse your thumb to press on her G-spot, as if you were making a thumbprint on her vaginal wall. You're shooting for the area about 2 inches inside the vaginal opening, on the front side.
Use Your Tongue WiselyWhen kissing, don't use your tongue like a dart (in and out, in and out). Instead, try varying motions and amounts of pressure.
Doggy-Style the Right WayDoggy-style tip: For over-the-top stimulation of her most nerve-packed parts, keep thrusting short and shallow, rather than deep and fast.
Tell Her What She Wants to HearWords she loves to hear: "I want to make you feel good."
Hang Out with Your Married PalsLooking for The One? Don't abandon your spoken-for friends. A guy with a wife or live-in girlfriend has an expanded social circle—meaning he knows more women (that he could potentially introduce you to) than he did when he was single.
Keep Contact IndirectThe nerve-packed clitoris actually extends several inches under the skin on either side of her vagina (like a wishbone), which means you can massage it without direct pressure to the bud. Trace the extensions with flat, wide, extra-wet tongue strokes or slow finger zigzags. (Don't forget lube.) Then rub a slow spiral around the top, drawing closer with each pass. The combo of anticipation and indirect contact will bring her pleasure centers to life.
Send Her a LetterWrite her a letter—one that does not involve a laser printer or an e-mail address. Write what you feel, but the ruling sentiment should be one of gratitude and confidence in your future together. Then mail it to her.
Give Her a VTo increase clitoral contact when she's on top, make a V with two fingers, and place it so the point of the V (just between the two knuckles) is directly over her clitoris. Your fingers should come down on either side of your penis as she rides you. This will stimulate the clitoris, inner labia, and urethra—as well as add intensity for you.
Call Her within 48 HoursA beautiful woman gave you her number; use it within 48 hours. Otherwise, you'll look scared—or stupid for resorting to high-school mind games.
Leave a Confident VoicemailIf you get her voicemail, leave a message. To convey confidence, your voice should be deep and moderately loud. Stand up and hum a little before you call—it will bring your voice to the ideal pitch.
Don't Go South During ForeplayDuring foreplay, agree that the genitals are off-limits. Touch the other parts of her body, using fingers, a feather, a silk scarf, or anything that turns her on, and ask her to describe how it feels. This builds the tension until you're both ready to explode.
Ease into Dirty TalkWant to know if she likes to talk dirty? Tell her, "You make me think dirty thoughts." Ease in slowly. It's best to test the waters a bit, rather than immediately go for your deepest, kinkiest dirty talk right off the bat.
Flatter Her 5 Times a DayCompliment her at least 5 times a day. It'll make her feel special, appreciated, and closer to you. And the more connected she feels, the more sexually inspired she'll feel.
Shop for Cologne She LikesIf you don't have a cologne that she likes, shop for one with her. It's a form of foreplay.
Hold Her HandHolding hands can work as an aphrodisiac. It shows her you're devoted and proud to tell the world.
Assume a New PositionAssume the Cuban Plunge sex position: As you assume the man-on-top position, ask her to bring her knees to her chest and drape her legs over your shoulders. Her vagina will be elongated and extended, and your penetration will be deeper and more pleasurable for her, which qualifies as a win-win situation.
Praise HerCompliment her in front of your friends.
Just KissThe next time you kiss her, don't try to steal second. Just kiss. Men use kissing primarily as a means to an end—to advance sexual relations. Yet women mainly use kissing as a way to monitor the status of the relationship, and especially a partner's commitment level.
Keep the Lights LowOne of the biggest reasons women can't relax during sex is body image. Keep the lights low. A candle? Perfect.
Show Her Passion"Passion" means being in the moment and not being distracted. Sex is a conversation, and she doesn't want to feel like you wish you had your BlackBerry.
Whisper Fantasies in PublicLie on a blanket in a park, with people all around, and whisper fantasies to one another, sparing no detail. You'll create sexual tension—but with safety, as there's no possibility of sex then and there.
Create AnticipationUse anticipation as an aphrodisiac. Instead of tearing her clothes off, take your time. Tell her what you want to do with each section of exposed skin.
Tell Her to Go SlowWords she loves to hear: "It's OK to go slow." Say it and mean it.
Sit at a 90-Degree AngleOn a dinner date, always position yourself at a 90-degree angle to her rather than straight on. If she sits at the end of the table, sit in the first seat to her left. Turn toward her from the waist, which will give her the opportunity to turn toward you.
Don't Agree to DisagreeWhen you and your girlfriend disagree, never agree to disagree. Agreeing to disagree shuts down the communication process and resolves nothing. And the less comfortable she feels communicating, the less confident she'll feel about the relationship.
Ask Her for a Kissing LessonAsk her to demonstrate what she considers a sexy kiss. Then let her do all the work. It's educational...and fun.
Mix Things Up in BedDon't be afraid to mix things up in bed. Sexual novelty re-creates those early-relationship, take-me-now hormones.
Fund a Sexy Shopping SpreeFund an erotic shopping spree. Write out a gift certificate with an expiration date that coincides with your evening at a hotel. If she prefers to shop alone, let her—either way, you'll find out what interests her.
Start VolunteeringJoin a volunteer group. Selflessness is sexy—and research has shown that women consider altruism more important than men do. To show your selfless stuff, join a Meetup volunteer group (
volunteerism.meetup.com).
Start Sex in a New PlaceStart sex outside the bedroom. The same old place leads to the same old patterns. So explore some new erogenous areas: The kitchen. The bathroom. Quebec City. Your bodies will be in new places, making it unlikely that you'll follow old routines.
Offer Her ChocolateFeed her chocolate: It'll load her up with phenylethylamine, a neurotransmitter that activates the brain's pleasure center, and caffeine, which can jolt her sex drive.
Ride in an Overnight TrainTake an overnight train with your girlfriend or wife. There's the excitement of traveling in a novel way. And there's your sleeping compartment. It's a new place—and it moves, which adds a new dynamic to sex. And it's somewhat public: There's the excitement when you're in flagrante delicto as the train stops, and people are outside your window.
Use Appliances as VibratorsHere's a new place to have sex: on the washer. Your washing machine produces more vibration than any other appliance in the home. When your butt's on the lid, the motion is transmitted through your penis, essentially turning your member into a life-size vibrator.
Use Your Beanbag ChairAnother new place to have sex: in a beanbag chair. You can contour it to any shape, and it'll support you in unaccustomed ways. Doggy-style sex works great when she's on her belly, draped over the amorphous blob (that's the chair, not you).
Have Sex in a ForestNew Place to Have Sex III: a national park. If the missus likes to vocalize, pitch your tent in Alaska's Denali National Park, where 6 million untamed acres and a crowd-thinning permit system leave little risk of waking the neighbors. She'll gasp in delight when the midnight sun bathes the Big One (that's Mt. McKinley, buddy) in salmon pink light.
Stop the ElevatorNew Place to Have Sex IV: the elevator. Try a freight elevator. It won't have an alarm, and you can stop it between floors for more privacy.
Seduce Her in Your CarRelive the past. Take her to the garage and reclaim a space you long ago ceded: Seduce her in the backseat of the car. It feels a little public, it's steeped in testosterone, and there's a throwback, high-school quality to it.
Earn Your Right to ExperimentSexual experimentation is earned, not inherited. It requires time, tact, and trust: 66 percent of the women we surveyed said they're most willing to experiment later in a relationship.
Give Her a Proper WarmupClitoral contact in particular feels abrasive without a proper warmup. If a woman yips or inhales suddenly when you go there—instead of purring or moaning—you've jumped the gun.
Try a New Sex PositionTry the Yab-Yum sex position: You both sit up, and she faces you, sitting on your lap with a pillow under her bottom for easier penetration. You'll have constant contact with her clitoris, but she'll control the pressure.